Kiprowstik is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, unthinking snail.

Kiprowstik created the world seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kiprowstik, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Kiprowstik, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Kiprowstik's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Kiprowstik's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Run away if five voles approach from the east.

3. You must pray to Kiprowstik eight times a day.

4. Pray towards the south.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.