Laknarltig Gensaffot is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, tranquil gnu.

Laknarltig Gensaffot created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laknarltig Gensaffot, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Laknarltig Gensaffot, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Laknarltig Gensaffot's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Laknarltig Gensaffot's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four carbon sculptures of Laknarltig Gensaffot on top of important buildings.

2. Never hurt gulls.

3. Never eat cherries.

4. Always help doves.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.