Siszedkin is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, moody narwhal.

Siszedkin created a bottom quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Siszedkin, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Siszedkin, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Siszedkin's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Siszedkin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

2. Run away if eight goats approach from the south.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Siszedkin.