Nurtmitkom is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, generous snail.

Nurtmitkom created viruses eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtmitkom, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Nurtmitkom, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nurtmitkom's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Nurtmitkom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.