Japfosscunved is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, all-knowing mongoose.

Japfosscunved created tapeworms nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japfosscunved, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Japfosscunved, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Japfosscunved's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Japfosscunved's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always stare at clouds.