Barnontflaplun is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, merciful slug.

Barnontflaplun created a bottom quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnontflaplun, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Barnontflaplun, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Barnontflaplun's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Barnontflaplun's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Barnontflaplun.

2. Feed all hungry seals.

3. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always treat aardvarks with great respect.