Voncudhog is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, moody hippopotamus.

Voncudhog created a down quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Voncudhog, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Voncudhog, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Voncudhog's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Voncudhog's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never write about cell theory.

5. Never sit in the presence of tapirs.