Jarnpagort is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, selfish wasp.

Jarnpagort created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnpagort, it will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Jarnpagort, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Jarnpagort's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Jarnpagort's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt nematodes.

2. Never feed cherries to grasshopers while wearing magenta rings.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Do not cook food in pots.