Hinfetgad is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, slow penguin.

Hinfetgad created an atom eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hinfetgad, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hinfetgad, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Hinfetgad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Hinfetgad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Hinfetgad on top of all buildings.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Hinfetgad.

4. Always make sure there are no ducks in a room before entering it.

5. Never look at stars.