Tapfadxuck is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, selfish grasshopper.

Tapfadxuck created an up quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapfadxuck, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tapfadxuck, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tapfadxuck's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Tapfadxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Erect four titanium sculptures of Tapfadxuck on top of important buildings.

3. Never feed figs to monkeys while wearing red ear rings.

4. Hide if seven voles approach from the east.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.