Taffencin Larnabbonk is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, astonishing walrus.

Taffencin Larnabbonk created a bottom quark nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Taffencin Larnabbonk, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Taffencin Larnabbonk, it will have a very low opinion of you.

Taffencin Larnabbonk's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Taffencin Larnabbonk's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Always wear turquoise.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not eat strawberries.

5. Respect your elders.