Cissyatpin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, witty walrus.

Cissyatpin created matter four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cissyatpin, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Cissyatpin, it will turn you into a snail.

Cissyatpin's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Cissyatpin's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Cissyatpin.

2. Always wear indigo.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never mention pigs.

5. Never think about cell theory.