Tigbumyarpnur is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, tiresome penguin.

Tigbumyarpnur created energy six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tigbumyarpnur, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Tigbumyarpnur, he will turn you into a rock.

Tigbumyarpnur's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Tigbumyarpnur's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tigbumyarpnur.

2. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force.