Kanfumnig Fudjaplak is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, happy hummingbird.

Kanfumnig Fudjaplak created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kanfumnig Fudjaplak, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Kanfumnig Fudjaplak, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Kanfumnig Fudjaplak's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Kanfumnig Fudjaplak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about tapirs.

2. You must pray to Kanfumnig Fudjaplak four times a day.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.