Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, narcissistic hippopotamus.

Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig created the Sombrero Galaxy five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick otters.

2. Do not take Gonpidxuck Gamtarstig's name in vain.

3. Do not dye your hair cyan.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always look after injured voles.