Damlikkemved is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, clever gorilla.

Damlikkemved created the universe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Damlikkemved, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Damlikkemved, it will turn you into a slug.

Damlikkemved's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Damlikkemved's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always wear brown.

5. Do not eat gooseberries.