Flamfagtap is a god.

She takes the form of a massive, humane octopus.

Flamfagtap created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Flamfagtap, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Flamfagtap, she will boil you in a big pot.

Flamfagtap's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Flamfagtap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not shave your neck.

3. Never eat onions.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never wear mauve coats.