Wigjantetti is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, astonishing dolphin.

Wigjantetti created energy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Wigjantetti, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Wigjantetti, he will think nothing of it.

Wigjantetti's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Wigjantetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not sing in public.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Wigjantetti.

3. Never hurt tortoises.

4. Do not speak about strawberries.

5. Never think ill of sick great tits.