Gigjankemban is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, blissful capybara.

Gigjankemban created Europe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gigjankemban, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gigjankemban, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Gigjankemban's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Gigjankemban's Holy Commandments

1. Erect four platinum sculptures of Gigjankemban on top of important buildings.

2. You must never eat oranges.

3. Run away from pink tapirs, for they are unholy.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.