Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, merciful tapir.

Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti created parasitic wasps four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti, she will refuse to believe in you.

Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear hats.

2. Sisfasvid Spagquaftetti loves whales, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not dye your hair blue.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Do not cook food in pots.