Hivagkom Arfrapapp is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair dryad.

Hivagkom Arfrapapp created snails six billion years ago.

If you believe in Hivagkom Arfrapapp, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hivagkom Arfrapapp, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Hivagkom Arfrapapp's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Hivagkom Arfrapapp's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate voles.

3. Do not speak about oranges.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Always stare at clouds.