Gepfonlen is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, smart otter.

Gepfonlen created bats eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Gepfonlen, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gepfonlen, it will turn you into a worm.

Gepfonlen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gepfonlen's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear yellow.

2. Gepfonlen must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never sit near goats.

5. Worship no other gods but Gepfonlen.