Pittonarpbem is a god.

He takes the form of a small, unsympathetic lizard.

Pittonarpbem created the world four billion years ago.

If you believe in Pittonarpbem, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Pittonarpbem, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Pittonarpbem's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Pittonarpbem's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Always stare at clouds.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Pittonarpbem.

4. Never eat pineapples.

5. Always wear cyan.