Lapdobcen is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, moody porpoise.

Lapdobcen created a strange quark two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapdobcen, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lapdobcen, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lapdobcen's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Lapdobcen's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never wear scarves.