Baffonyik is a god.

He takes the form of a large, uncaring bear.

Baffonyik created Asia four million years ago.

If you believe in Baffonyik, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Baffonyik, he will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Baffonyik's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Baffonyik's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white ducks, for they are unholy.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Do not wear black clothing.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Put Baffonyik first in all things.