Artflapnak is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, irritating seal.

Artflapnak created Europe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Artflapnak, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Artflapnak, she will turn you into a rock.

Artflapnak's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Artflapnak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat onions.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Always stare at clouds.