Jangumfum is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, intelligent squid.

Jangumfum created tapeworms six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jangumfum, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Jangumfum, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Jangumfum's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Jangumfum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Feed all hungry hamsters.

3. Always wear green.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never think ill of sick porpoises.