Xemrenkem is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, unsympathetic turtle.

Xemrenkem created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemrenkem, she will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Xemrenkem, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Xemrenkem's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Xemrenkem's Holy Commandments

1. Erect eight zinc sculptures of Xemrenkem on top of important buildings.

2. Never jump in the presence of gulls.

3. Run away if six geese approach from the west.

4. Never laugh in holy places.

5. Never pour water over plants.