Gumcunrap is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, caring scorpion.

Gumcunrap created dark energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gumcunrap, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Gumcunrap, he will ignore you.

Gumcunrap's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Gumcunrap's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into blue rooms.

2. Never bounce in the presence of horses.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gumcunrap.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.