Kiportlopfig is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, self-assured mouse.

Kiportlopfig created life three million years ago.

If you believe in Kiportlopfig, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kiportlopfig, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Kiportlopfig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Kiportlopfig's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. You must pray to Kiportlopfig eight times a day.

3. Never mention whales.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate geese.

5. Do not listen to music.