Gadzimkop is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, bad-tempered giraffe.

Gadzimkop created vertebrates three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadzimkop, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Gadzimkop, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gadzimkop's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Gadzimkop's Holy Commandments

1. Mice are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gadzimkop.

5. Put Gadzimkop first in all things.