Titwiksaf is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful wyrm.

Titwiksaf created bats five billion years ago.

If you believe in Titwiksaf, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Titwiksaf, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Titwiksaf's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Titwiksaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Do not wear lead on your body.

5. Always stare at clouds.