Dubtadlan is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, omnipotent monkey.

Dubtadlan created a quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dubtadlan, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Dubtadlan, it will turn you into a worm.

Dubtadlan's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Dubtadlan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Never feed parsnips to mites while wearing red corsets.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Dubtadlan.

5. Do not take Dubtadlan's name in vain.