Pidortkim is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, omnipotent gorilla.

Pidortkim created viruses seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pidortkim, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Pidortkim, he will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Pidortkim's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Pidortkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never run in the presence of eagles.

2. Pidortkim loves ducks, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. Do not eat turnips.