Hadkop is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, egotistical narwhal.

Hadkop created gold eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadkop, she will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Hadkop, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Hadkop's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Hadkop's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate shrews.

3. Always help capybaras in need.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never talk about fire.