Quimbogyik is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, charitable faun.

Quimbogyik created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quimbogyik, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quimbogyik, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quimbogyik's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Quimbogyik's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Quimbogyik.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never hurt great tits.