Arnarphabmig is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, self-assured aardvark.

Arnarphabmig created matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Arnarphabmig, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Arnarphabmig, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Arnarphabmig's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Arnarphabmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never paint your hands white.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Never skip in the presence of turtles.