Gonwee is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, stupid squirrel.

Gonwee created Asia two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gonwee, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gonwee, she will laugh at you.

Gonwee's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Gonwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Badgers are not to be trusted.

3. Always treat squirrels with great respect.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Never go into mauve rooms.