Hattabjig is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, selfish swan.

Hattabjig created everything that exists nine million years ago.

If you believe in Hattabjig, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Hattabjig, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Hattabjig's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Hattabjig's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt doves.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about stars.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.