Flabkankan is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, contented snail.

Flabkankan created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Flabkankan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flabkankan, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Flabkankan's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Flabkankan's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown corsets.

2. Never wear ear rings.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. You must love Flabkankan.

5. Hide if four whales approach from the south.