Kartarpjap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, amazing dingo.

Kartarpjap created the cosmos three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kartarpjap, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Kartarpjap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kartarpjap's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Kartarpjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick cats.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Run away if five snails approach from the south.