Fitdusszak is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, capable hippopotamus.

Fitdusszak created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Fitdusszak, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fitdusszak, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Fitdusszak's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Fitdusszak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Run away if eight shrews approach from the north.

5. Always make sure there are no bats in a building before entering it.