Rakloppog is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, benevolent raccoon.

Rakloppog created the Cigar Galaxy four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Rakloppog, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Rakloppog, he will torture you forever.

Rakloppog's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Rakloppog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Rakloppog must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. You must pray to Rakloppog eight times a day.