Tapvagwee is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, kind wyrm.

Tapvagwee created matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapvagwee, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tapvagwee, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tapvagwee's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tapvagwee's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

3. Do not kill manatees.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Never pour water over plants.