Gidmutweg is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, dishonourable salamander.

Gidmutweg created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gidmutweg, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gidmutweg, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gidmutweg's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Gidmutweg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never jump in holy places.

3. Hide if six great tits approach from the north.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Do not trade with those who eat nuts.