Tingoncub Cussgessnil is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, passionate mouse.

Tingoncub Cussgessnil created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tingoncub Cussgessnil, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tingoncub Cussgessnil, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Tingoncub Cussgessnil's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Tingoncub Cussgessnil's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Do not hurt seals.

3. Never talk about planets.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never sing near monkeys.