Appvonkdap Tipbatcan is a god.

She takes the form of a large, selfish bear.

Appvonkdap Tipbatcan created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Appvonkdap Tipbatcan, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Appvonkdap Tipbatcan, she will turn you into a rock.

Appvonkdap Tipbatcan's most sacred site is Acanceh in Mexico.

Appvonkdap Tipbatcan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt voles.

2. Appvonkdap Tipbatcan must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Always help horses in need.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never write about the weak nuclear force.