Cetspagmum is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, narcissistic donkey.

Cetspagmum created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cetspagmum, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Cetspagmum, she will come to you in dreams.

Cetspagmum's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Cetspagmum's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Cetspagmum on top of all buildings.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never laugh near moths.