Nulljenparktetti is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, unfair penguin.

Nulljenparktetti created a top quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nulljenparktetti, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nulljenparktetti, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nulljenparktetti's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Nulljenparktetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Do not drink water in white rooms.

4. Hide from red nematodes for they are unholy.

5. Do not stand on grass.