Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, deceitful walrus.

Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen created the Andromeda Galaxy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not bounce in public.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Put Sawminarm Quilltenfebzen first in all things.

5. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.